A true servant

"I was too busy teaching balloon animal making to self abusers" - Spencer Carpenter

Not Exactly...

"I grew up in the burg."--Katie A.
"You grew up in a bird?"--Rachel F.

Haha!

"Yeah, underwear is important."--Anonymous.

Well, Technically It's Not Up Here, But...

"If that shows up online, I'm killing you with my bare hands."--Sarah H.

Oh My...

"The only thing I want to retain is a husband."--Heather T.

Nice?

"I feel like a dog, and it's nice."--Anonymous

Boxing is Good for the Soul

"Boxing."--Unknown
"Healthy. Very healthy."--Katie A.
"Good for the body, good for the soul."--Leslie D.

Heretical Baking

"Only bake them for 5 minutes."--Leslie D.

"They're Easy-Believism Gospel Cookies."--Katie A.

No, I Haven't

"Umm, have you ever heard sound?"--Leslie D.

They're Not Very Laidback...

"I've never met a non-intense communist."--Leslie D.

I Know Who's Not Getting Any Presents This Year!

"She said, 'We're going to the fat guy's concert.' I was like, 'Who is that?'"--Haley
"Santa Claus."--Jenn

Cookies Save

"Gospel cookies. They'll save you every time."--Kim
"Katie, will you pass on the Gospel, PLEASE???!"--Haley

Sophisticated Fruit

"Starfruit. That's actually pretty good fruit."--Laura
"And it's very sophisticated."--Leslie

The Best Policy

"I'm glad you're honest."--Jenn Galdamez

You Better Not!

"Construction workers are hilarious."--Leslie D.
"I always wave at them."--Laura

Those Dixon Girls...

"I remember you drinking. It's my favorite memory."--Sarah B.

Was it Really?

"My first kiss: a little earthy."--Anonymous Dixon girls

The Submissive Sarah

"I love this one--feminists!"
"There's feminists, and then there's bungee jumping"--both by Sarah H.

Who, What, Where?

"No, they're petrified wood."--Laura

Beaten Beets

"That might beat snow. Beets are magical."--Leslie D.

What Does Hockey Smell Like?

"Even the smell of hockey is masculine."--Leslie D.

Ninja Masculinity

"If you think 'HIIIIII-YAAAH' is masculine...."--Leslie D.

I Don't Really Know!

"How are penguins easy?"--Kim

TMI

"I've got a buttery butt."--Aida

Gingerbread Doesn't Count, Hon

"Yay! We have men!!!"--Aida

What learning Microeconomics is like

"When I first started jogging again, the first few weeks I was sucking leaves off of my neighbors lawn" - Dr. Mackey

Confessions of a retainer thief

"I love wearing other people's retainers" - Katie A

. J . O . Y .

"I don't have that much joy at 6:30 in the morning." - Haley

"The joy of the Lord comes gradually throughout the day." - Katie

End Time Double Weddings

"Who in the world wants a REAL double wedding?!" - Haley

"I don't KNOW! I though that only happened in the Left Behind books!... And it was tacky then!" - Juli

Umm, Yeah... Maybe?

"Angels must be pretty big."--Haley

A frightening confession

"Do they bite your eyes and poop on you?" - Haley

"They nibble all over" - Marlyse

Don't Want Any Unmotivated Equines!

"Whose pony is that?"--Jenn L.

"That's Alison's motivational horse."--Katie A.

"I want a horse with motivation."--Jenn L.

(later on)

"I'm gonna hit the hay with my motivational horse."--Jenn L.

Real People, As Opposed to College Students?

"Gosh, I shouldn't be this tired at 12."

(actually 12:42)

"You know, real people who have real jobs go to bed at like, 9!"

What other kind of self is there?

"Get off my personal self!"--Anna G.

What we have here is a gap in communication.

"There's a problem with that analogy."--Danielle

"What's the problem with green algae?"--Jenn L.

When you just don't know which way is up...

"Is this my bottom?"--Anonymous
"I don't think it matters which end is up."--Her roommate

Emotional Eating

"If I was this scared at home, I'd have my whole pantry ate!"--Grandma Ruby

They'll Getcha Every Time.

"Beware of the tartlets!"--Jenn L.

Sweets for the Sweet

"I just need more sugar. Aaah!"--Jenny M.

Ooh. Fun!

"Now it's like a festival of zits."--Diana H.

Confessions of Diana

"This would be so much more romantic if you were a boy."--Kelly

"C'mon, Kelly! I'm working on it!"--Diana

Dorm Dwarfism

"Slight boys.... are they small men?"--Aunt Penny

Humble Seattle-ite

"God's greatest gift was the coffee bean....and me."--Mel