Mad Props

"God is gifted. I really believe that."--Jordan Standridge

Home Ec Gets Its Groove On

"It's not a party without Karaoke!"--Anonymous Home Economics Professor

Mysterious Happenings

"I'm gonna name it Pearl!!!"--Alison VanDerwerker

Good Decision

"It's really between Liz and Michael Jackson. I'm gonna have to go ahead and pick Liz."--Andrew Alesso

Surprise, Surprise

"Obama was not my first kiss."--Liz Thatcher

Annoying Creaminess

"Ours is a *cultured* ice cream truck--it's still annoying."--Kelly Bunch

Liquidated Liquid

"You can't break my heart. It's liquid; it melted the day I met you."--Beckie

"I can break liquid."--Savannah

Be Cool, Be Cleansed

"All the cool people love soap."--Andrew Alesso

Elephant-Induced Insanity

"Do you have another pin? This elephant's driving me crazy."--Liz Thatcher

Home Demonomics

"I was thinking maybe we were having a seance."--Anonymous Home Economics Professor

There will be no poop in heaven.

"True story, my house is not going to have a bathroom in it.  I don't want to know if or when my wife poops. "

--Ankoma Pharr

Nez Perce, Dixon Style

"I'm piercing your nose tonight, Anna."--Liz

A Monkey From The Start

"I was about 7 pounds, so I was about average."--Katie

"I was about 6-9."--Kayla

"I was a Sea Monkey, actually."--Liz

Move Those Good Works!!!!

Trying to explain why "Elvis" rhymes with "pelvis":

"I think his parents planned it, kind of like when God prepares good works beforehand so that we should walk in them..."--Jess Crabb

Elliteration

"E is for Idiot."--Mary Ellenberger

WHAT?!

Spoken to Liz Thatcher:
"You're not speaking loud enough."

Grainy Healing

"You can't put rice on your injuries and expect them to get better."--Josh Wilcox

Tinny Disinterest

"Man, you'd have to be the tinman not to want that!!!!"--Joe Keller

Prized Child

"Catch an orphan, get a prize."--Liz

Of One Mind

"I'm having a board meeting with my mind."--anonymous

Collectably Delectable

"I collect food and eat it."--Mitchell

Chubby Skinnyness

"I love skinny jeans. I fill them out."--unknown wingmate

I'm Comforted.

"I don't think you could ever be an unhappy man."--Breezie

Repentant Thanksgiving

While playing Apples to Apples:

Actual card: Turkey Baster: squeeze, squirt, repeat.

"Haha--I thought it said, "Turkey Baster: squeeze, squirt, repent."--Connie

WOW!!!!

"C.S. Lewis wasn't creative enough to think of it."--Connie

Doggone It

"If only I had a vicious border collie."--Connie

Awesome Infancy

"Man, my stroller is off the hook."--Spencer

A Handy Handicap

"I like your toes. I need to do something with my toes."--Haley

"Like cut them off. Then you can get handicapped parking spaces."--Erica

Wicked Awesome Toes

"I used to have a pointy pinky toe. It looked like it had a witch hat on."--Erica

Childlike Hunger

"I'm still a child in my stomach."--Erica

Same difference

"Oh wow... I almost sat on your diaper Haley. I mean glasses." - Erica Wondra

Feline Repellant

"I poured diet pepsi on a cat today."

(Weird looks)

"What?! It was bothering me!" - Lealia Ulavale

Watermelon Wonderings

"What do they plant to get seedless watermelon?"--Mom

She Slipped Him a Mickey

"And the red Mickey Mouse is at your house."--Haley

Rejected Revertment

"I don't want to go back to baby foods."--Jay

Other-Earthly

"Katie, it's a whole other planet!!!"--Haley

Facebook Unfriendliness vs. Facebook Ignorance

"She doesn't unfriend anyone--she just doesn't know how to work Facebook."--Haley

Princess Cinnabon Head

"Who needs 2 buns on the side of their head?"--Haley
"Maybe she had ugly ears."--Dad
"No, no. It shows them."--Tim

Absolutely. Every Girl Loves a Good Fight.

"All that dumb romance stuff?... Who cares about romance? Skip to the fighting!!!"--Haley

Historically Celestial

"Yoda kinda brainwashed me via my history teacher."--Haley

Everything!

"This is Anakin? What's wrong with his face?!"--Haley

Do Tell!

"Yeah, Katie. I can testify--I had a one-haired beard and it was fine... glorious, even!"--Haley

Desired Royalty

"I'd like to be with the prince."--Haley

Mary Jane Jabba

"Well, one night, I was smokin' some leaves and came up with this weird-lookin' creature named Jabba the Hutt."--Haley

Wonderful Meanness

"It was so great, though--I tried to be MEAN!"--Haley

Elderly Deceased Possibility

"You can still be old when you're dead... Well, you can!!!"--Haley

Luke, I Am Your Vitamin-D Deprived Father!

"Who is this?"--Haley
"Darth Vader."--Tim
"But in the movie, he's so white. He's as white as that Kitchen Aid over there. Just think if you were under a machine helmet for years at a time..."--Haley

Disciplinary Sibling Revenge

"Tim, I'm going to hold you in your fart air. Then you'll be sorry!!!"--Katie, holding Tim to the floor

"That's very self-sacrificing vengefulness!"--Mom

Profundity on a Walk

"Did someone gas?"--Tim
"No. I think it's cooking.."--Katie
"Maybe Satan."--Tim
"Maybe Satan's cooking up some temptation. Not very tempting at this point though."--Mom

Sage Advice

"If you can't dance, make your fork dance" - Katie Abbott

The Kings Table

"Okay how was everyone's day?" - Haley

"It's starting to look up. I'm eating." - Garrett

"Garrett you should be satisfied by God, not food!" - Haley

"What? I can't hear you. I'm eating." - Garrett

Garrett's Post Practice Pre Meal

"Why are you eating a hot dog bun?!?! We're going to have dinner in like two minutes!" - Haley

"No not just a hot dog bun. It has feta cheese on it! I could eat this stuff all day! I just got back from football practice Haley. And bacon. Where did that bacon go? Ooooo slivered almonds!" - Garrett

"And potato salad.. Sooooo good" - Hannah

What?

"It's like, we're brother and sister. We got married and didn't even know it."--Jon Colaco

The Phantom Bride

"I've been married for like, 4 months now. I don't even know the person. It's pretty rocky."--Spencer Carpenter

Ghetto Tats

"The mark of the beast; it's kinda ghetto."--Jon Colaco

Irritated Deity

"God is bugged."--Spencer Carpenter

Sistera Rodentia

"I hate it when my sister talks like a chipmunk."--Jon Colaco

Unusual Shopping

"Nice purse!"--Spencer Carpenter
"Thanks! I got it..."--Katie
"At Ross? The toilet store?"--Spencer Carpenter

Qualified Intellect

"So, you're saying I'm only half dumb?"--Katie
"You're not smart enough to be fully dumb."--Ryan Schmidt

Unmedicated Bliss

"It's such a good feeling to be done with finals."--Jon Colaco
"Yeah, it's like, who needs drugs?"--Spencer Carpenter

Public Display of Emotion

"Are you crying? Get a room!"--Spencer Carpenter

Equine Equivalence

"You look like a horse... except for your physical features."--Mary Ellenberger

Understandable Incompatibility

On a sticky note found outside the pool:
"Stuffing weeds in your face and setting them on fire doesn't make any sense to me."-MacArthur

Exclusiveness

"It's just me and the monkey over here" - Haley

"As it should be" - Spencer Carpenter

Sweet Faith

"There is such a thing as the sin of unbelief."--Katie
"Cinnabon belief?!"--Vonna

Vegetative Fatherhood

"Dad's not a TURNIP!!!"

Devilishly Gassy

"I'm really gassy tonight."

"It must be the devil in you."

The DLE Bathroom

"Pooping is so awkward" - Kelly

"Why? Everyone does it." - Haley

"I know, but it's just weird to think of certain people pooping. Like John MacArthur." - Kelly

Biblical Proximity

"Hey there, you guys need to leave room for the Holy Spirit" - Kelly Bunch

"We like to leave room for a thin-line Bible" - James

BusCom Sales Reports

"And obviously God is pleased in this" - Jenn Galdamez

"Yeah because He likes to chew gum." - Haley

"No, I'm sure His breath always smells good. He's God." - Jenn Galdamez

HTDs

"Are they gonna get sores from that?"

"Yeah, Hugging Transmitted Diseases."

Used of God

"Honestly, Katie, I think God is using these goldfish."--Haley

Romantic Ruination

"Apparently Prince William landed a helicopter in his girlfriend's garden."--Katie
"Why?"--Aida
"I dunno. I guess to be romantic or something."--Katie
"Haha. It'd be funny if she was like, 'What are you doing?! You just killed my begonias!!!!'"--Aida

Piney Truth

"As they say, 'Honesty is like a pinecone.'"--Erica

Mythical Horror/Mango Misconception

"When I picture dragon skins, I think of nasty, scaly dandruff chunks that are larger than my face."--Haley

Anointing

"I would like to pour water over your head. May I do it?"--Erica

"Uh, I'm gonna go with a big fat no."--Haley

Confession of a Dixonite

"It turns me on when guys talk about their sin" - Anonymous

Late Night Lake Activities

"Our goal was to look insane so that the weird boys wouldn't talk to us" - Lealia

"Yeah, I mean who wants to hit on a mermaid!?" - Haley

"A Merman!" - Rebekah

Wish

"I hope it has fun singing animals inside!" - Lealia Ulavale

Soul Thieves

"Next time just tell them that you are part indian and you believe pictures will steal your soul" - Lealia Ulavale

MJ

"Michael Jackson is the more readily accessible version of the eccentricity" - Cameron Knox

Those Boys...

Regarding Slight: "We get all the women."--Daniel Dibble

Unique Self-Observation

"I feel like a crappy individual. I'm nerdy, cruel and feminine."--Daniel Dibble

Quite an Assortment

"Now all I have is meat cleavers and casinos."--Jon Colaco

How?...What?...

"Hey Haley, follow your heart. And maybe your hips!"--Kelly Bunch

Hey, She Can Spell!

"But there's no G in Dixon!"--Kelly Bunch

Pick me! Pick me!

"Who wants to cuddle a hand grenade?"--Kelly Bunch

Really?

"All I see is hair and children!"--Haley King

Fowl Storage

"Maybe a woodpecker tried to store an acorn in your shin" - Spencer Carpenter

Mechanical Indecency

"They put it all in the magical naked machine" - Katie A

Hand Odor

Sitting in our dorm room:

"Why does my hand smell like.... *sniff sniff* my dog?" - Rebekah Tsang

Concerning the Gift of Celibacy

"I don't have it. And if I do, I'm returning it!" - Heather Walsh

Fruitfulness

"Hey hey hey.... no one's takin' fruit out of nobody" - Kyle Ruggles

Wiggly

"He'll try to wiggle out of our arms!...He'll escape!... First he'll escape, now he won't let go of me."--Haley

Conversation and depravity

"When I become as depraved as my friends are maybe I will know what they are talking about." - Spencer Carpenter

We All Know

"But I'm a really HOT person!!"--Haley

Violent Praise

"I have trouble when people say "open a hymnbook". I just feel violent." - Erica Wondra

Reading Material

"Why does our library have a book called Psychic Mysteries Of The North?" - Katie A

La Dolce Vita

"So you're just going to snack on life?"--Connie
"Yeah."--Gary
"Hey, Dad, can I have some dry life?"--Tim

Credibility Loss

"You know you're right. You lose a lot a credibility when you are not properly trimmed" - Jenn Galdamez

Contract Breakers

(After one lick of beer jelly)

"Woah.....I'm feeling kind of tipsy" - Lia

Later on in the car she slurs:

"I shouldn't even be driving right now...."

A wet experience

"I peed on myself a whole lot" - Jenn Galdamez

Business in the front.......

"Oh and ANOTHER thing! - this lady kept giving my mom a mullet!!!!!" - Megan Nolen

Warm Welcome

"Welcome to Master's! Am I drooling? Is my face on?" - Katie Abbott

Have a Harp

"Stuck in the back of a truck. WITH A HARP!"--Katie E.

Logical Continuation

"You're not a blender. We're moving forward."--Katie E.

Concerning Tattoos

"Well you know Jenn, his skin wouldn't be wrinkly for many moons."

The Famous Amos' Opinion on Medication

"Sedatives . . . cant go wrong with sedatives"--Amos

Humble Sweetness

"I'm like, you're sweet too, right?"--Haley

Yet Another Facial Hair Category

"He's growing a translucent peachstache."--Lounge Visitor

Manly Criteria

"You have a beard and meaty legs. That's what everyone wants in a man."--a lounge visitor

Contagious Words

"We're all so susceptible. Just breathe the word 'plague' and we all come down with it."--Danielle

Your Prayers Are Not Enough...

"I'm going to bed. I've got that Econ test tomorrow."~Melissa
"Okay get over here. Let me lay hands on you."~Haley
"It'll take more than two hands."~Melissa

Lounge Utterings at One in the Morning

"I like the drugs better."--Peter

"Hot" times in the dorm

Hottie patattie with a naughty body -Katie A.

Middle East, CA

(As we are driving down San Fernando)

"Doesn't it feel like we are driving in Iraq right now Haley?" - Katie A

Slippery Clutzy Heart

"Can I have your butterfinger heart?"--Kelly Bunch

Boyhood Coveted

"Dang! I want to be a little boy!" - Jenn Galdamez

Too Scriptural

"You've been reading too much of the Bible."--Aida

Paul- the englishman?

"Paul, I know you were a good man, but couldn't you speak english?" - Katie A

"No Katie, he couldn't speak english"

Mauh

"I need kiss training" ~ Katie Abbott herself

Beats All

"The worst drug I have in my room is aging milk."--Jen D.
"That has to be the worst drug to get addicted to!"--Ben

Monkey Business

"Did you know the witch has monkeys?"--Haley
"Of course. It's like the devil and his minions."--Katie
"You've read this?"--Haley
"What?"--Katie
"Faust."--Haley
"No."--Katie
"How did you know then?"--Haley
"Wizard of Oz!"--Katie
"Oh right. That's weird--both... Oh, no!!! Do all witches have monkeys? Because, I like monkeys."--Haley
"Are you a witch?"--Katie
"NO!"--Haley

OW

"My God's gots mad skills" ~ Katie Abbott, Original Wangster

Unusual Baby

"Can't you just picture curly red haired glasses babies? With white teeth and big lips and the voice of an ANGEL!!!"--Haley

They Come in All Shapes, Sizes, and Patterns!

"I saw the coolest little creature on my way up the Hotchkiss steps tonight. I wish I'd taken a picture with my cell. It was yellow with black stripes. It was pretty unbelievable."--Katie A.

"Are you sure it wasn't a Hotchkiss girl?"--Alison V.

Matthew 7:5 (Katie's Heresy Translation)

"Dude, take the prune out of your own eye before you try to pick the raisin out of mine!" ~Katie to Kelly

Christlikeness?

"I wouldn't want to be Jesus!" ~ Jenn Harrol

She Would Like You Here Or There, She Would Like You Anywhere.

"I dig you in a ditch"--Rebekah T.

C to the Food

Haley, to her roomie Rebekah Tsang, who happens to be chinese.

"Have you ever had chinese food"?

Is That Good or Bad?

"MacArthur gives me the chills."~Jenn L.

Patrick has an easy to please Valentine...

"Nothing says true love like a Reese's Heart."~Jenn L.

Sandman's a Comin'!

"Ten minutes til the lounge closes, guys--just so you know."~Sarah B. (on lounge duty)
~gets evil eye from Michelle~
"Oooh! I think I saw some rebellion in those eyes."~Katie A.
"No. That was sleep."~Michelle

No Kidding!

"They had their baby goats!"~Jenn L.
"Really?"~Katie A.
"Yes! They're babies, and they're goats!"~Jenn L.

Delicious Decimals... 3.141592654...

(Imagining her math major fiance at age four)
Mom speaking: "What do you want for dessert, honey?"
Patrick: "I'd like some quadratic equation, please, and maybe a side of Pi."

--Jenn L.

Dixon Laundry

"Oh, maaaan. My shirt smells, like, weird! I wish you could come in and smell it!"--Jenn L.

Best By...

"I'm reading about open dating. I didn't know foods dated."--Jenn L.

Crime and Vegetables

"I will punish you with a brussels sprout stalk."--Jenn L.

A true servant

"I was too busy teaching balloon animal making to self abusers" - Spencer Carpenter

Not Exactly...

"I grew up in the burg."--Katie A.
"You grew up in a bird?"--Rachel F.

Haha!

"Yeah, underwear is important."--Anonymous.

Well, Technically It's Not Up Here, But...

"If that shows up online, I'm killing you with my bare hands."--Sarah H.

Oh My...

"The only thing I want to retain is a husband."--Heather T.

Nice?

"I feel like a dog, and it's nice."--Anonymous

Boxing is Good for the Soul

"Boxing."--Unknown
"Healthy. Very healthy."--Katie A.
"Good for the body, good for the soul."--Leslie D.

Heretical Baking

"Only bake them for 5 minutes."--Leslie D.

"They're Easy-Believism Gospel Cookies."--Katie A.

No, I Haven't

"Umm, have you ever heard sound?"--Leslie D.

They're Not Very Laidback...

"I've never met a non-intense communist."--Leslie D.

I Know Who's Not Getting Any Presents This Year!

"She said, 'We're going to the fat guy's concert.' I was like, 'Who is that?'"--Haley
"Santa Claus."--Jenn

Cookies Save

"Gospel cookies. They'll save you every time."--Kim
"Katie, will you pass on the Gospel, PLEASE???!"--Haley

Sophisticated Fruit

"Starfruit. That's actually pretty good fruit."--Laura
"And it's very sophisticated."--Leslie

The Best Policy

"I'm glad you're honest."--Jenn Galdamez

You Better Not!

"Construction workers are hilarious."--Leslie D.
"I always wave at them."--Laura

Those Dixon Girls...

"I remember you drinking. It's my favorite memory."--Sarah B.

Was it Really?

"My first kiss: a little earthy."--Anonymous Dixon girls

The Submissive Sarah

"I love this one--feminists!"
"There's feminists, and then there's bungee jumping"--both by Sarah H.

Who, What, Where?

"No, they're petrified wood."--Laura

Beaten Beets

"That might beat snow. Beets are magical."--Leslie D.

What Does Hockey Smell Like?

"Even the smell of hockey is masculine."--Leslie D.

Ninja Masculinity

"If you think 'HIIIIII-YAAAH' is masculine...."--Leslie D.

I Don't Really Know!

"How are penguins easy?"--Kim

TMI

"I've got a buttery butt."--Aida

Gingerbread Doesn't Count, Hon

"Yay! We have men!!!"--Aida

What learning Microeconomics is like

"When I first started jogging again, the first few weeks I was sucking leaves off of my neighbors lawn" - Dr. Mackey

Confessions of a retainer thief

"I love wearing other people's retainers" - Katie A

. J . O . Y .

"I don't have that much joy at 6:30 in the morning." - Haley

"The joy of the Lord comes gradually throughout the day." - Katie

End Time Double Weddings

"Who in the world wants a REAL double wedding?!" - Haley

"I don't KNOW! I though that only happened in the Left Behind books!... And it was tacky then!" - Juli

Umm, Yeah... Maybe?

"Angels must be pretty big."--Haley

A frightening confession

"Do they bite your eyes and poop on you?" - Haley

"They nibble all over" - Marlyse

Don't Want Any Unmotivated Equines!

"Whose pony is that?"--Jenn L.

"That's Alison's motivational horse."--Katie A.

"I want a horse with motivation."--Jenn L.

(later on)

"I'm gonna hit the hay with my motivational horse."--Jenn L.

Real People, As Opposed to College Students?

"Gosh, I shouldn't be this tired at 12."

(actually 12:42)

"You know, real people who have real jobs go to bed at like, 9!"

What other kind of self is there?

"Get off my personal self!"--Anna G.

What we have here is a gap in communication.

"There's a problem with that analogy."--Danielle

"What's the problem with green algae?"--Jenn L.

When you just don't know which way is up...

"Is this my bottom?"--Anonymous
"I don't think it matters which end is up."--Her roommate

Emotional Eating

"If I was this scared at home, I'd have my whole pantry ate!"--Grandma Ruby

They'll Getcha Every Time.

"Beware of the tartlets!"--Jenn L.

Sweets for the Sweet

"I just need more sugar. Aaah!"--Jenny M.

Ooh. Fun!

"Now it's like a festival of zits."--Diana H.

Confessions of Diana

"This would be so much more romantic if you were a boy."--Kelly

"C'mon, Kelly! I'm working on it!"--Diana

Dorm Dwarfism

"Slight boys.... are they small men?"--Aunt Penny

Humble Seattle-ite

"God's greatest gift was the coffee bean....and me."--Mel